As dancers, auditioning processes are inherent to the profession, but somehow, it still needs to be normalized and has room for improvement, for me, more on the human side than the system itself.
I suppose that most people, when they hear the word audition, the first thing that comes to their mind is the image of a jury with a stiff upper lip behind a table taking notes and an artist in the middle of the room sharing their passionate soul in the chase of dreams as we can see in Billy Elliot or Flashdance, others may think of the Japanese horror movie "Audition" directed by Takashi Miike that by the way is one of Quentin Tarantino's favorite films.
Let me tell you something, a bit dramatic but not exaggerated for some. In real life, auditions are somewhat a mix of both, an inspirational and terror movie; they are a part of this art form, but I don't think anyone enjoys them unless there is a sociopath among the jury that likes to feel godlike and seeing people in difficulty, do you think people like this exist?
As some of you may know, my dance career is ending; precisely in one month, this way of life will be over for me. During my student and professional career, I did a total of 19 auditions to get either into a school or a job in a ballet company, being honest one of those auditions was for a cruise (which I didn't get); luckily, right after that blessed fail, I got a job in Ballet Basel which became my home.
Some may not know that auditions don't end once you get the job in a ballet company; they keep going throughout the whole career; this is how invited choreographers choose the cast to create their pieces.
I am a slow learner, but I will not get into that because it is another BIG subject; perhaps I will do it in another story if I find the courage to face some demons. But shortly, I want to mention that there are people that need more time to learn, and time isn't something choreographers usually have; they have to decide in one or two days with who they will work the following two months.
Auditions are a real struggle for everyone. You have to deal with nerves, with colleagues that suddenly become different people like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, fatigue due to the energy expenditure of being focused for several hours, repeating the dance material at your maximum effort many times. And, of course, a classic, you must endure people deciding, hearing whispers, and sometimes pointing at you or the colleague next to you while making a disappointing or happy face; who cares? The point is that you have to be like water, as Bruce Lee used to say.
So if there is no time, and everything about auditions seems so nerve-racking, what can be done better? Humanity and empathy are an excellent start.
This year's last production at Ballet Basel is called Explosive! It premiered yesterday 26th of May, and it is a double-bill program by choreographers Andonis Foniadakis and Alexander Ekman. We had the auditions for this about two months ago. So that was my last audition as a professional dancer. I hope.
The first audition was two days of work with Ève (Ekman's assistant), and spoiler alert! She is the reason I am writing this.
That day I was having a significant insecurity breakdown. I was about to leave the audition, and the only thing keeping me there was a thought, "Please, Rubén, it is the last one, don't leave; you owe this to your career; fight until the end,"
Being 37 years old and still terrified about an audition felt like the biggest failure. Why didn't I manage to overcome my fears?
Why am I a slow learner?
Why do I have to go through a full day of feeling like the worst dancer in the room?
I love turtles but hate feeling like a turtle among hares.
So my thoughts were just a negative spiral taking me down to a black pit of self-destruction until I saw Ève's eyes looking concerned in the distance. She stood up, approached me, and said with a friendly and calm voice: "Are you overwhelmed? I know this isn't easy to learn; it is a lot of information. But please don't worry; try to stick to your colleagues and enjoy; we are here to have all the fun we can. I understand how you feel. So no pressure, take your time."
My day completely changed! Not that suddenly it was easy or that I didn't fuck up anymore; it was just that the mistakes I made throughout the routine had another color, they mattered much less, and all it took was Ève's words of empathy.
Why is this so rare in our world?
Isn't dance and art, humanities, above all?
When did we become machines in search of perfection? Dance is not only lines and counts. Precision is necessary, but only some of that matters. If not, seeing a show by Boston Dynamics robots rather than expressive imperfect humans would be better.
Why do some people in positions of authority often reward perfection, even though it is a concept that seems more like a fable?
Does it truly make sense to provide support, encouragement, and sometimes overlook the shortcomings only for those whom they believe are the more talented dancers?
Don't they see that empathy and helping the “strugglers” would result in a better show and significantly contribute to a healthy work environment? After all, if these dancers are part of the ensemble, it means they succeeded in the audition process to join the company.
For me is clear, and people like Ève give me hope for the future generation.
To face people, talented or not, fast or slow, with negligence and annoyance will never be helpful; it will only destroy artists, humans, and their love for this beautiful profession.
Somedays after Ekman's audition was time for Andonis Foniadakis. This audition allowed me to witness the first choreographer in my career with enough confidence and honesty to face the ensemble and ask: “Who wants to work with me? I don't want people that feel obligated to be here; I don't mind if I have to do a piece with only five people if they really want to do it; it will result in a better process and final work.”
For me, those words were so shocking, fresh, and valuable! How often have I had to dance something I hated while seeing other colleagues depressed because they wanted to be part of it, or vice versa.
A question like this from the choreographer will also contribute to a cleaner audition process and a more healthy work environment. More satisfied people will equal, without a doubt, a better world.
I want to finish this story by saying that we shouldn't forget that art, and if so dance, is a natural way of human expression; we genuinely need it, but never at the cost of people's mental health. A high-level performance should always reflect the values portrayed by its components during the creation process. It all starts with a human, empathetic, and open audition process.
Thank you Ève for your empathy and kindness.
My last audition after all, was totally worth it.
The photographs were taken during rehearsals of “FIT” by Alexander Ekman at Theater Basel.